Philosophy of dating

One particular characteristic of powerful men and women is the ability to deal with negative situations effectively. Presidents, for example, must deal with criticism from people that disagree with their ideology. Firemen are on the call, ready to face great physical danger. Church leaders constantly face doctrinal opposition and discipline matters. And we all face rejection. It is our prerogative, then, to harness it for our betterment.

Christian Fundamentalist
dating philosophies often make
defensive people look good.

Christian Fundamentalism has devised a dating philosophy in which insecure, defensive people thrive. The normal process of getting to know people and seeing qualifying people (1) as possible mates is vilified and portrayed as a lack of distrust in the providence of God. The normal, casual course of finding a person that is emotionally, physically and spiritually in harmony with us is replaced with a mystic experience in which God secretly draws two people together without human intervention. People who are shy by nature, those who are closed emotionally or who have not experienced satisfying relationships with people of the opposite sex may find a particular appeal in this philosophy. Yes, statements such as, "God will bring the right one to me,"
very often reveals edginess and passivity. Yet, this irresponsible attitude is not only encouraged but also commended in Christian Fundamentalist and Evangelical circles.

Books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and When God Writes Your Love Story perpetuate this foolish philosophy. Yet, it is worth noting that these authors had little to no experience in the matter. The author of the former book, for instance, admitted that he was in his early 20's and did not have much experience with dating. You cannot kiss goodbye whom you have not met.

This dating philosophy presents an erroneous and incomplete view of the sovereignty of God. The Bible tells us that there are secret things that belong to God and there are revealed things that belong to us. (2)  God's secret will includes whoever you end up marrying. If you're married, you can rest assured that it was God's will. However, because this is hidden from us, it is our prerogative to find a suitable mate. What does the Bible say? Marry whoever you will: only in the Lord! Join a singles' group at your church, a community club or eHarmony. Trust, then, that God will guide your efforts to lead you to the person that will complement you. (3)


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1. The only Biblical mandate is for believers to not marry unbelievers. We are, then, to use our sanctified reasoning, wisdom and common sense in choosing the person we would live with the rest of our lives.
2. Deuteronomy 29:29. Theologically, this means God has two aspects to His will: His decretive will (whatever comes to pass; we only know it after it happens) and His preceptive will (what the Scriptures command; we can fully know it).
3. 1 Corinthians 7:39. This command was given to widows who were young and wanted to get married again. If it applies to widows, it also applies to single people!